Wrestling a Hillbilly

And now for something completely different...

It was a dark and stormy night…last night anyways. Today was bright and shiny. And, somehow we had arrived at this small European town that looked stolen from medieval Germany, bright brick houses connected by stone streets that seemed vibrant with history. How did we get here, you might be wondering? Well wonder no more. Seriously, it's in the next paragraph, stop wondering.

Only just a few days ago i had used the machine of death, again, just in case the results changed, they didn't. But that's another story. With me that day, and today, was a jujitsu sensei which, as expected around me, had gotten a weird answer: "wrestling hillbilly". "Oh well" i said, "i guess it's good you know kung-fu". "Jujitsu" he replied, with a slight annoyance on his face. I Smiled. So, of course, we decided to fly to Europe, there's no hillbillies there!

So back in town, our first interaction was indeed filled with local history as we see a tiny man arriving in a small scooter, he greeted us but seemed a bit hasty in his proceedings, maybe even a tad upset. As he looked over his shoulder, as if he was expecting someone to be following him he approached a food storage which seemed to be standing there right on the street, readily available for anyone to grab.

"Why is all this food standing on the middle of the street?" was my thought. "It's the easiest place to grab food when running away from zombies" the tiny guy said, as if my question had been voiced outloud.

"Zombies? why would the middle of the street be easy with zombies?" i tried replying, but everything that came out of my mouth was "zom...wha!?!? yes.. of course".

The guy smiled and continued to grab cans of what looked like marmalade. Why was this guy so worried about this marmalade? "Do you know how hard it is to get good marmalade around here?!" he replied, as if, again, my thoughts we're voiced outloud.

I gave up on understanding, soon enough the tiny guy got on his scooter and left with his cans, leaving something small and yellow in their place. As i stood there, considering the latest events and the relationship between marmalade and zombies, my thoughts were interrupted by a big guy coming in to the food stand. He looked menacing, approached the small and yellow thing and screamed "ACK! he did it again!" as he waved the small and yellow mint the other guy had left. He turned around and left in a huff and puff.

"Well, this is one busy town.. with zombies" i said, to no-one in particular, as i walked further into town. "And no hillbillies" said the sensei, smiling. Before i knew it i was doing some tourism with some new found friends we picked around town. Walking the bending and roller-coaster-y streets we finally arrived at the town's most famous destination…the church courtyard where music was blasted through unseen speakers in order to make all the zombies in town.. well.. dance. Yes, dance. No, seriously, i mean it, zombies were dancing.

As the town mayor approached to explain the phenomena it all seemed to make sense: "They get really passive after a good dance, we even let them walk beside us with almost no incidents!" he said, in that cheery politicians voice people love to be charmed by.

Of course, like any good politician he knows how to make a entrance, so as he said this he proceeded to open the gates as hundreds of name-tagged zombies flooded the town and all around us and the starry-eyed town citizens. Before i knew it, the whole town square was surrounded by citizens and post-dance zombies. Looking around it was hard to say what was zombie and what wasn't, the funny thing is the town people didn't seem at all bothered by this. They also didn't seem bothered when one zombie bit a citizen amid the crowd.
"Almost no incidents!" the mayor said with a wink.

That was when i casually started running like a mad man for the town outskirts.

I'll confess something to you though, guiding a bunch of zombie-inexperienced people out of a zombie event is harder than it sounds. Actually, it's exactly as hard as it sounds, at one point I had to try and stop one guy from trying to hip-throw a zombie! Amateurs.

Anyways i digress, sunset was falling when we arrived to a wooden structure which i figured might work as a good refuge for the night, unless a sudden flock of zombies would appear out of the hill like they seem to do all the time.

There i was, sleeping as calm as you can after seeing zombies do the macarena, until it was probably around dawn and a sudden shuffle of leaves woke me up. "OH NO!" i heard some kimono wearing student yell. "A sudden flock of zombies just came out of the hill over there", he said. I pretended to be surprised.

"Here we go again..." was the last words i said as i started running across the river, spotting the name tag on one of the zombies from the dance-a-thon.

"Billy".